i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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