Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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