i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
