apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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