There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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