never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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