I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
