My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.