Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on

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  (214): Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on http://tfl.nu/x4zw
  Replies (11) Good night (1102) Bad night (1193)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.

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  (217): I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage. http://tfl.nu/wgul
  Replies (31) Good night (1308) Bad night (3899)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.

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  (616): somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult. http://tfl.nu/q2ig
  Replies (25) Good night (3849) Bad night (2566)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.

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  (603): Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid. http://tfl.nu/3tmh
  Replies (10) Good night (945) Bad night (3977)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?

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  (813): Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks? http://tfl.nu/4hfi
  Replies (24) Good night (6578) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."

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  (870): I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now." http://tfl.nu/2m30
  Replies (4) Good night (1174) Bad night (2583)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.

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  (508): in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar. http://tfl.nu/rqsf
  Replies (9) Good night (1540) Bad night (2517)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

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  (406): I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works." http://tfl.nu/3ym3
  Replies (8) Good night (3827) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Looks like I won that one

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  (952): You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor. (651): Looks like I won that one http://tfl.nu/usxg
  Replies (10) Good night (2246) Bad night (880)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.

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  (541): rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work. http://tfl.nu/d84s
  Replies (3) Good night (840) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you

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  (203): I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop... (860): the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you http://tfl.nu/0s0c
  Replies (10) Good night (2188) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you

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  (616): Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you http://tfl.nu/p2n8
  Replies (1) Good night (528) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.

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  (701): Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5. http://tfl.nu/g6zt
  Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass

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  (361): Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass http://tfl.nu/9x8z
  Replies (1) Good night (531) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem

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  (850): You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem http://tfl.nu/nosq
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (150)

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