omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying