I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.