He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
