Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
