Your mouth is God's brothel.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring