it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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