I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
