i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
