this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
