i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
