I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
