I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think my mom watched the whole time
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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