I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wear drunk well.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
