I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
