i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize