Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
