But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
