I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
