it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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