How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No subtext here. People are naked.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
