Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
