"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
