Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
