i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
