When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
