I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
