Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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