O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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