Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
