Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
