Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
40s are totally the cure
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening