The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.