on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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