i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He has the fingertips of a God
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
