The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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