she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
