Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
