Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
