Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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