found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
