so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
