clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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