Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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