she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
