i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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