Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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