Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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