I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
