Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
