I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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