why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
