he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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