ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
