So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
