You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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