you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize