I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
