i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
