My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
