I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
