I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
