Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
