Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
