Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I touched a dick in church today
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
