Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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