Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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