based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize