Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
