I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
