Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
