i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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