thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
