Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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