So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I believe in your delicious
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
