so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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