i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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