How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
