the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
