I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
