dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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