Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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