who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Im part way to drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
