when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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