Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
