can u get pink eye on your cock?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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